Life after work can be emotionally draining

  Life after work can be emotionally draining



A friend of mine retired recently — for about three weeks! He did not know what to do with his free time and panicked. While he had spent most of his working life planning financially for retirement, when he had finally reached his post-working life, he did not have a clue what to do with himself. He had left out one vital piece of his retirement plan — how to fill his time while retired. According to Thomas Milroy, director of in-patient psychiatry at the McGill University Health Centre, “your friend did not plan for the emotional side of retirement.”

To some, this may seem like a silly problem. In fact, “many studies have shown that less than 20 per cent of individuals are passionate about their work and, for most, it is a relief when that part of their life is over,” says Hani Kafoury, a Westmount-based psychologist who specializes in assisting clients’ major life changes at Tranzition Consulting Services.

Whichever category you fall into, there is no doubt advance preparation is required before you step into the potential abyss that is retirement.

One of the keys to a successful retirement is to “ease into it — take small steps,” Milroy says. Some people like to begin with shorter work weeks to allow them to get comfortable with having more personal time. This helps them understand and gradually adapt to the concept while keeping them tendered to the part of life that has kept them occupied all of these years. Alternatively, “some people like to start/stop retirement until such a time as when they get themselves situated into their own projects,” Milroy says.

Kafoury points out there is a psychological preparation for retirement. “This transition process can occur months, if not years, before actually being retired. The first step is to recognize retirement as a real future possibility; then to plan one’s future accordingly; and to make the formal decision to retire at a certain time and in a certain way. Overall, it involves one’s transition and therefore detachment from one’s work role as well as from the physical and relational ties in one’s workplace.”

Building new friendships outside the workplace is not always an easy undertaking and this is particularly true in retirement. However, this can be a key element to a happy retirement. Social contacts are important to maintain and develop. Milroy encourages patients to attend family reunions, various workshops or even continuing education courses where they can develop new interactions, or reconnect with old ones, and hopefully incorporate these relationships into their daily lives and routines. People who “travel too long in retirement can lose their moorings when they return home and can then find it difficult to rekindle these relationships,” which is also something to consider during one’s planning stages, Milroy says. This is partly why some couples “retire together” and choose southern locations within the same proximity so they can regroup during the winter or even travel together.

Dealing with the psychology of retirement can be an individual’s greatest challenge, particularly for those whose “identity and self-image has been associated in good part with their work,” Kafoury says. For these transitioning retirees, (or better still, for those planning for retirement), “I like to work through with the client what has really ended for them (sense of being valued, power, influence, security, relationships, etc.) and how they are willing to mourn the loss, reframe it and ultimately replace it so to reinvent themselves. But before they can achieve this, they need to regain control of their life (especially if they were forced into retirement and feel victimized), gain understanding (make sense and learn something about their current experience), further develop their support system to help them through the transition and revive a new sense of purpose and meaning going forward.”

Yikes! That sounds like work! And in the beginning, there is no doubt that it will take effort to build this new life. But it will be worth it.

Working toward this goal while still employed will also make the transition easier. “Those who have cultivated other interests outside of work have at their disposal more enjoyable activities to delve into during their retirement years and perhaps even develop them into remunerated activities.” Kafoury cites himself as an example of this. As a young adult, his passion was film editing and, at age 51, he bought some film-editing equipment that he is currently using to edit a documentary about his recent ascent of Mount Kilimanjaro. He plans to continue honing this skill right up to and through his own retirement.

Speaking of tackling summits, exercise is also a very important component of a healthy retirement. Milroy quotes medical studies that recommend “at least 150 minutes of exercise per week” and not just the same ones. “It is more beneficial to incorporate a variety of exercises” says Milroy, who bikes, walks, swims, fishes and plays golf and squash. Learning some of these sports, or practicing them in advance of retirement, can also help contribute to that social network that is so vital later on.

There is no doubt there is much to think about as you consider retirement, whether it is looming within months or years away. However, the sooner you begin planning for